So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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