Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
