i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
