How'd it feel making her break her religion?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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