this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need moral support for this bender
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
