she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize