Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
