i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
