I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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