you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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