The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
