I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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