why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
