i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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