I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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