we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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