He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
