I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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