what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
