Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
