If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
