the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
