he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
