she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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