I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
