He disabled his match.com account in front of me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
