Just cropdusted the office
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
