apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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