apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
