He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
