hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
