they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
