i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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