Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
