Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
