maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
