why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sober January is a disaster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
