Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
