I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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