she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
