I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
