Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
