He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
