Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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