Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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