census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
