OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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