Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my liver is dry heaving
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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