Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize