Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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