Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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