Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
