): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
