Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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