Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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