There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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