hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I want is dick and wine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
