Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize