my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
