and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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