Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize