dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
