I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
