We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
