just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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