he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
