I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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