If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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