You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
