I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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