gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
