Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
