wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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