Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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