I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
