It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
