also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
