Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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